I am sitting in a hotel room in Rolla, a city an hour west of St. Louis, Missouri. Rather than think about the topic of the talk I am giving tomorrow at an area church, I am preoccupied. I am tempted to watch the Matrix trilogy on television for the umpteenth time. I have a whirl pool in the room that I can't wait to try out. I am disappointed that the sign on the wall of the tub prohibits the use of a bubble bath.
I am staring at a picture that a friend and I took together in the airport of Brasilia (the capitol of Brazil) a couple of months ago. A physically and incredibly attractive woman, she is even more so in her spirit and soul. Falling into cliches that abound when a man has a certain fondness for a particular woman, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. There has not been a day since I met her that I don't think about her.
We were part of a larger group that traveled to Abandiana to visit the Casa de Dom Inacio of the Portuguese healer John of God. A life changing experience, I am returning again in a few weeks with a different set of travel companions. I am embarrassed to admit that I am partially hesitant about my intended trip, because my friend won't be there. I am rather fortunate to be returning as soon as I am. However, I suppose it isn't very spiritual of me to be preoccupied with thoughts about a woman instead of concerns about more conventional sacred things.
I attended a service last night by my friend. He is a Hindu priest, a devotee of Krishna and a part of the Rasik tradition. He led a healing service invoking sacred energy along with a transmission of the Divine Mother. It was absolutely powerful and engaging. I am glad I attended. Still, for a significant part of the evening, I found myself thinking about the friend I met in Brazil. In some ways, she felt as tangibly present to my mind, as the people in the room with me for the healing service. Honestly, I always find positive thoughts about women to be somewhat spiritual. According to Hindu tradition, even Lord Krishna had a consort name Radha. One may thus hypothesize that even the Divine desires a woman!
In the Woody Allen film, "VickyCristinaBarcelona," the narrator of the film makes an observation regarding one of the character's, the artist Juan Antonio. Within weeks of meeting an attractive American graduate student, he asks her to move in with him. The narrator remarks that like many creative men, Juan Antonio needed to live with a woman. The narrator suggests that it is the passion of the relationship that fuels his creative inspiration. My temperament is such that I am not sure if I could handle a live in companion. Nevertheless, I am more than aware that I am at my most creative when I have a woman in my life.
Like most Woody Allen films, the characters are complex, ambivalent and defy a certain level of conformity. For instance, Juan Antonio's father, a gifted poet, will not share his romantic poems with others. He is punishing the world, because it does not know how to love. In a different but related vein, Juan Antonio's ex-wife, a painter, suggests that for love to remain romantic, it cannot be realized. Juan Antonio concludes that life is boring and meaningless. At best, we can strive to have fun. It may be that Allen's film suggests that for all of the complexities of love, if not live itself, renders them deeply unsatisfying, because of the transitory nature of love and life.
Whatever connection my own ramblings might yield, given the random associations of avoiding my responsibility to devise a theme for my talk, reminiscing around various spiritual experiences, and discussions around a Woody Allen film, I am certain of only a few things. I met an incredibly woman some time ago that is very important to me. I treasure her friendship. Since we live in different parts of the country, and cannot see each other often, I miss her a great deal. I cannot dismiss my feelings for her as unsatisfactory, because we are not together. I believe that the greater affection that I have for her punctuates the loneliness I feel without her. While maybe desiring more, for now my memories of her are sufficient!
No comments:
Post a Comment