After years of bad eating habits, fluctuating weight gain, and indifference to exercise, I have decided to become a vegan. I have joined a yoga studio. I have begun losing weight. I am making the earnest effort for the first time in years to become healthy.
I didn't arrive at this decision lightly. I have been rather vigilant for the last several years in ignoring the "gloom and doom" forecasts of my personal physician if I didn't make serious changes to my life style. I allowed myself to turn a strident deaf ear to the oddly rude remarks people have made regarding my weight. I rationalized my lack of effort at improving my health to be a consequence of the advancing march toward my middle years. I thought it was silly for me to expect to hold onto that younger self that use to run six miles a day and lift weights.
In a nutshell, I have been a hot mess for a long time. I don't beat myself up over it; I am just being real. Rarely do people make long lasting positive change from negative criticisms. Perhaps, that needs to be emphasized: people do not make long lasting positive change from negative criticisms. Calling overweight people names or making obnoxious jokes is cruel. Telling an over weight person they eat too much or need to exercise is like pointing out that water is wet or snow is cold. That's obvious.
Yes, I am admitting that I have abused my relationship with food. I ate too much to deal with emotional stress. I used food to fill an emotional void with physical sensations. All the insight and talking in the world were not equipping me to handle certain emotions I did not want to feel or believe I could handle. Like most people, I knew my choices were self-defeating. I just didn't know if making better choices would equip me to handle the feelings I was avoiding.
Contrary to the popular advice that it takes a person to hit rock bottom to change, people can change if the experience of the new behaviors makes them feel better than the bad behaviors. When feeling better and learning to cope with the new behaviors outweigh (no pun intended) the destructive behaviors, people change.
What happened to me, what made me want to change, was what I presumed to be a rather incidental decision: I went through a 21 day physical cleanse. Joining with some friends that were going to do the program themselves (none of which I think have problems with food), we abstained from sugar, gluten, refined carbohydrates in favor of a strict healthy regiment of vegetables, fruits, simple carbohydrates and lean protein. We had plenty to eat though I personally had to struggle with learning to be satisfied over and against being full. In a few days, my body went through detox like a heroin addict going off the stuff. I was moody, irritable, and had strong physical cravings.
Within a week, the moodiness was gone, the cravings subsided, and I felt an abundance of energy. Along with a yoga class for weight loss I have joined, I literally felt better. Feeling better, I wanted to do better. I am in the process of learning how to make better choices with regard to food and exercise. I am choosing to become vegan because of a greater commitment to my health, and to the health of the planet.
Yet, it's my choice. I'm not advocating veganism, as a choice for others. What I am advocating is that with some loving support, a new outlook, and a plan with how to get there, I am losing weight, becoming more active, and I am feeling I can handle the emotions that I was using food to suppress.
